Wow - this was the most amazing response to a post ever. I apparently hit something that has affected many of us. I have worked much harder to make sure I speak up and so far I have and it feels wonderful. I am trying to now censor myself as much and not think for anyone else about how they will feel if I say something. I hope we can all continue to learn to speak and if nothing else make sure we speak to each other when we need to. Thank you all for your honesty and love.
The Need to Speak
The Book of Awakening - Mark Nepo
So many times we suppose ourselves out of existence, imagining that if we speak our heart we will be rejected or ignored.
I watched a man reach to call a friend, excited to share a deep idea that had overcome him. But as the phone was ringing, I saw him imagine a cool reception, saw him try on the pain of not being heard, and quickly, with a sigh of deflation, he hung up before the fourth ring.
Still, the expression - whether misunderstood, well received, or rejected - matters. For the cost of not making the call is that a piece of us dies. Consider how fish swim and birds fly. They do so because it is in their nature. For it is the swimming and the flying that makes them fish and birds.
Likewise, it is the speaking of one's heart that makes a human being human. For even of no one hears us, it is the act of speaking that frees us by letting the spirit swim and fly through the world.
- Sit quietly and allow yourself to be still as lake water when there is no wind.
- Breathe slowly and look into yourself. Look to your [core].
- Inhale deeply and feel whatever rises up from your [core].
- Exhale cleanly and, though you are alone, speak what you are feeling, aloud to yourself. (or please feel free to voice yourself in the comments)
I do this all too often in my life. I think why would they want to hear that? They are going to laugh at me. They are not even going to have time to listen to me. They are going to think I am silly. They will think I am tooting my own horn. They will think I am too depressing to listen to.
I have many times picked up the phone only put it back down again. I have started emails only to erase them. I have even started texts and tweets only to erase them too. Why? Why do I not trust my friends to listen? Or is it me I don't trust? I don't ever want to be boastful, so I don't call with good news. I don't ever want to be a burden, so I don't call with bad news. But isn't that what friendship is for and all about?
I have many things inside me that I want to put sound to but I don't. I sit in silence. I watch as the world moves around me and I listen but I don't speak. Wow, major aha moment - it is what I loved and hated so much about Kristen Stewart's movie "
Speak." She was amazing in that movie, without speaking she said so much but I was so mad at her for not actually speaking. Why am I not mad at myself them? Granted I am not in the situation she was in in the movie but still, why should I sit silent but condemn another for the same?
If you also do this, why do you do it? What aren't you saying?
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