Day of Delirium #349 - We Become the Earth

"By seeking what is essential, we become essential."

I have always been amazed how the deepest things are intangible: love, doubt, faith, confusion, peace, wisdom, passion. Where are they? They can't be held in the hand like fruit or turned in the lap like pages of a sacred text. Yet they shape our lives. This has always been the driving mystery of all sacred wisdom: The only things worth saying are those things that are unsayable.

It is quite humbling to realize that we spend a lifetime gaining grain after grain of this wisdom, working to understand it and struggling to express it and share it, only to become more and more a part of it, unspeakable ourselves. Over time, we age into a stillness that breathes like stone, exposed beyond resistance.

Perhaps this is the most poignant of paradoxes, nature's safeguard against letting too much of the mystery out. We take years of living to squeeze a few precious words from all that will not speak, and steadily, being shaped by our suffering and polished by our joy, we become the Earth, knowing more and saying less. Ironically, after a lifetime, we may finally have important things to say, just as we lose our ability to say them. Yet this doesn't diminish all we try to say. For the fact that sound always ends in silence doesn't make music any less precious to our souls.

It seems the more we live through, the less we can surface. I recall visiting Grandma Minnie when she was ninety-four. I had found the steamship ticket with which she had come to this country in 1912 as a girl. There was a strange and beautiful name on it, Maiyessca. This was her birth name, never spoken in this country. I put the yellowed ticket in her hand. Her eyes widened and I could feel the big old fish of her heart swim up near the surface, stirring waters that had been still for eighty years. Lifetimes passed between us in silence. She trembled and coughed up a chuckle, saying only, "I forgot I ever came."

There is nothing sad about this. Rather, it feels inevitable and holy that we should become what we seek. We start out wanting to know love and living long enough, we become love. We start out wanting to know God, and suffering long enough, we become God. Over time, the heart expands from within and all our skins thin until we become something elemental, rounding to the next grain of wisdom to be found.

• Sit quietly with a trusted friend.

• Breathe deeply and meditate, each of you, on your own history of love, letting the wordless feelings stream through you.

• After a time, try to honor this wordless stream by letting a single word or phrase rise within you.

• Write down this word or phrase and hold it in silence near your heart.

• Without looking, trade pieces of paper and meditate in silence with your friend's written phrase near your heart.

• After a time, simply read each other's word or phrase aloud.

~~~~

The Book of Awakening ~ Mark Nepo 

My word is NICE. Share your word in the comments. 

Day of Delirium #348 - Integrity

"Integrity is the ability to listen to a place inside oneself that doesn't change, even though the life that carries it may change."

~ Rabbi Jonathan Omer-Man

Much of our journey throughout this book has been about discovering that place inside and cultivating the ability to listen to it, while having compassion for the life that carries it.

It moves me to share the story of a troubled man who, exhausted from his suffering and confusion, asked a sage for help. The sage looked deeply into the troubled man and with compassion offered him a choice: "You may have either a map or a boat."

The sage kissed him on the forehead and said, "Go then. You are the boat. Life is the sea."

As we have discovered so many times, we have everything we need within us. This ability to listen inside is our oldest oar. You are the boat.

• Sit quietly and put down all your maps for the moment.

• Let your breath take you safely out to sea.

• Breathe gently and bob there ... and simply listen ....

~~~~

The Book of Awakening ~ Mark Nepo

Day of Delirium #347 - Goya and Melville

"The sun doesn't stop shining because people are blind."

It is a hard challenge to stay true to ourselves in the face of indifference. Rejection and opposition are painful, but being treated as if you don't exist is quietly devastating. This soft puncture is particularly human. Eagles soar and glide for hours in canyon air, and the fact that no one knows does not lessen their ability to fly. But for us there is a constant elusive heroism in being who we are, especially when we are misunderstood, judged, or ignored. Somehow our need for love gives tremendous power to the opinions of others, and so, we are required to guard against turning our lives over to the expectations of others. 

A great example of hearing one's deeper self is the Spanish painter Goya. Writing about Goya, Andre Malraux tells us that going deaf in 1792, the painter understood that "to allow his genius to become apparent to himself it was necessary that he should dare to give up aiming to please." It is both touching and instructive that Goya couldn't fully realize his God-given gifts until he went deaf to the demands of those around him.

One of the saddest examples of being ignored is the novelist Herman Melville. Having survived many years at sea against his will, Melville had authored several best-selling sea adventures. Bt when he opened his soul and wrote MOBY DICK, two things happened: one of the greatest novels ever written by an American was birthed, and the American public laughed at the great white whale and its maker. He was ridiculed and dismissed.

This deep and sensitive man was so wounded by this that he painfully withdrew, and at the age of thirty-two, at the height of his powers, he virtually stopped writing for nearly forty years. Tragically, he extinguished his inner voice because those around him couldn't hear.

I carry both Goya and Melville around with me as reminders of how precious and unique each of our gifts is. No one can really know what you are called to or what you are capable of but you. Even if no one sees or understands, you are irreplaceable.

-- Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

Day of Delirium #346: Kindness Advent Calendar

Act of kindness #24: Kindness Advent Calendar

Because Nice Matters

Day of Delirium #345 - December

If you believe it, you can achieve it.

Day of Delirium #344 - Salute

On this historic day, regardless of outcome, salute being a girl!

Day of Delirium #343 - Girl

I've been hearing people lately stating how they dislike the word girl or the designation of girl for people. Best example is Supergirl. It is even mentioned in the show by Cat Grant:

"Supergirl: Pilot (#1.1)" (2015)

Kara Danvers: [on discovering that Cat dubbed her "Supergirl"] "Supergirl"? We can't name her that! 
Cat Grant: *We* didn't. 
Kara Danvers: Right, I'm sorry. It's just, uh... A female superhero. Shouldn't she be called Super... woman? 
Cat Grant: I'm sorry, darling, I just can't hear you over the loud color of your cheap pants. 
Kara Danvers: If we call her "Supergirl", something less than what she is, doesn't that make us guilty of, of being anti-feminist? Didn't you say she's the hero? 
Cat Grant: *I'm* the hero. I stuck a label on the side of the girl. I branded her. She will forever be linked to CatCo, to the Tribune, to me. And what do you think is so bad about "Girl?" Huh? I'm a girl. And your boss, and powerful, and rich, and hot and smart. So if you perceive "Supergirl" as anything less than excellent, isn't the real problem you? 

I won't lie at first I kind of felt the same way. Girl seemed to be a weak way to describe. But here is where my mind is now.

I LOVE the girl designation now because it is not tied to the male designation. It stands on its own. It is power. If they tried these designations they would not stand alone from the male designation.

Super Woman = wo man
Super Female = fe male
Super Lady = lad y
Super Heroine = hero ine

They are all male designations inside those female designations. So Girl works. It says it all and it isn't tied to the male. So Supergirl is just fine with me.


Tomorrow we have the opportunity to vote for a girl. For a girl to lead our nation. For a girl to stand where 44 men have stood before. Regardless of who you want to vote for, this is historic. This is everything. Any girl who thinks they can't, you can. Revel in this and be proud to be a girl.

Day of Delirium #342 - Leaning In

This is a well timed reading. I hope it can be helpful to you too.

~~~~~

"Few situations can be bettered

by going berserk."

~ Melody Beattie

It was the philosopher Michael Zimmerman who told the story of being a boy in school when someone passed him a pair of Chinese handcuffs, a seemingly innocent thimble-like casing with an opening at each end. It was passed to him without a word, and, of course, through curiosity, he slipped his left forefinger in one end and then his right in the other.

Mysteriously, what made them handcuffs was that the more you tried to pull your fingers out, the tighter they held you. Feeling caught, he panicked and pulled harder. The small cuffs tightened. But suddenly, it occurred to him to try the opposite, and as he leaned his fingers into the problem, the small casing slackened and he could gently and slowly work his fingers free.

So many times in life our pulling in panic only handcuffs us more tightly. In this small moment, the philosopher as a boy reveals to us the paradox that underscores all courage: that leaning into what is gripping us will allow us to work our way free.

• Sit quietly, and bring to mind a situation you feel stuck in or a position you are being stubborn about.

• As you breathe, try to relax your self-protection so you can lean into the situation slightly.

• Note how this feels. Note if the energy around the situation loosens.

~~~~

The Book of Awakening ~ Mark Nepo 

Day of Delirium #341 - Love is Love

Today is the day.

My best friend's wedding.

I am beyond grateful that he was afforded the honor of being able to marry his partner and love of his life.

It will be a beautiful day celebrating Family, Friends, Love and Tradition.

Day of Delirium #340 - You Know Too Much

Two scientists traveled halfway round the world to ask a Hindu sage what he thought about their theories. When they arrived, he kindly brought them into his garden and poured them tea. Though the two small cups were full, the sage kept pouring. Tea kept overflowing and the scientists politely but awkwardly said, "Your holiness, the cups can hold no more." The sage stopped pouring and said, "Your minds are like the cups. You know too much. Empty your minds and come back. Then we'll talk."

~ Leroy Little Bear

Knowing everyone's birthday is not the same as feeling the wonder of birth. Nor is being accomplished in many positions of lovemaking the same as being passionate. It was the great Canadian scholar Northrup Frye who pointed out that understanding the principles of aerodynamics has nothing to do with the experience of flying.

If at times you feel numb or distanced from the essence of what you know, perhaps your mind, like the sage's teacup, is too full. Perhaps, like a bowl too full of fish, your deepest thoughts have no room to move. Perhaps we all need from time to time to dump out all that doesn't stick. To let God like a great wind rim our head like an empty bowl.

Information is not wisdom. The mind, while a great and irreplaceable tool, can store instead of feel, can sort instead of understand, can, like a beaver, build a dam of everything precious. If you cannot speak when your mouth is stuffed with unchewed food, how can you think clearly if your mind is stuffed with undigested information?

But how do we empty the mind? By not overthinking. By not storing or sorting. By not replaying fears or dreams or doubts or praise. By choosing the most important thing on our endless list of things to do and doing it fully after tearing up the list.

All the wisdom traditions say to be still - that the stillness will bore holes in our useless knowing. But how do we begin? Every time you find yourself sorting life in your head, stop and notice what the brightest spot of light around you is touching. After a week of this, make a deal with yourself: trade five facts about how to live for one hour of unplanned living. Then have some tea.

• If your mind were a suitcase and could only hold five things, what would they be?

• When experiencing something troublesome, how many times do you go over it in your mind? Why? What would happen if you only went over it once?

• When going to sleep, does your mind sort and file and replay information?

• When waking, does your mind more easily experience what's before you?

• If so, try to give life to the sensation of waking twice during your day.

• Bring only one thing from your suitcase with you today. Leave the suitcase home.

~~~~

The Book of Awakening ~ Mark Nepo

Day of Delirium #339 - The Rabbit and the Garden

"The real voyage of discovery

consists not in seeking new landscapes

but in having new eyes."

~ Marcel Proust

In the movie PHENOMENON, John Travolta's character has done everything he can think of to keep this pesky rabbit out of his garden. He's even put in fencing that goes three feet underground, and still everything he plants is nibbled through.

Suddenly one night he wakes and realizes he's been going about this all wrong. In the moonlight, he quietly goes to his garden and opens the gate, then sits on his porch and waits.

To his surprise, as he begins to fall asleep, the rabbit scurries out the gate. While he'd been trying to keep it out, the rabbit was trapped in his garden, and he was inadvertently keeping it in.

How often do we barricade and fence up our lives against hurt and loss, thinking we're keeping the painful things out, when they're already trapped inside us eating at our roots, and what we really need to do is to open the gate and let them out?

• Center yourself, and consider what you are currently trying to keep out of your heart. It might be a fear of what's to be, or a memory of what has been, or the truth of a situation you are living right now.

• Close your eyes and open the gate to your heart and wait. Breathe and wait.

• Breathe slowly and give the rabbit a chance to leave your garden.

-- Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

Day of Delirium #338 - The Necessary Privilege

Sorry that I have only been reposting items from The Book of Awakening lately. I've been very busy at work and these items have been one of the few distractions that speak to me and that I want to share so they can speak to you.

"Not to feel is to stop the heart from breathing."

So often, we war against sadness as if it were an unwanted germ, and pine after happiness as if it were some promised Eden, whose gate is keyed to the one secret flaw we need to rectify in order to be worthy. Even our Constitution attempts to rescue us from the hard full journey of individuation, ensuring what no government can ensure, the soul's contentment; suggesting that happiness is our inalienable right, while implying that to experience sadness leaves us somehow deprived.

Yet it is no mistake that to suffer means to feel keenly. For to feel deeply and precisely with full awareness is what opens us to both joy and sorrow. It is the capacity to feel keenly that reveals the meaning in our experiences.

If you are thirsty, you can't dip your face to the stream and say, "I'll only drink the hydrogen and not the oxygen." If you remove one from the other, the water cannot remain water. The life of feeling is no different. We cannot drink only of happiness or sorrow and have life remain life.

The truth is, that as the lungs make use of the air we breathe, the heart makes use of the things we experience. Thus, to be alive is to feel. This is our right. To feel keenly is our necessary privilege.

• Recall your most recent moment of happiness and what opened you to it.

• Recall your most recent moment of sadness and what opened you to that.

• Let each quiet breath bring these feelings together the way rivers merge into a sea.

• Without trying to keep them separate, feel your happiness and sorrow merge in the depth of your being.

~~~~

The Book of Awakening ~ Mark Nepo 

Day of Delirium #337 - The Chick Being Born

I was a little thrown by this entry in my daily devotional book but something nagged at me to post it. Even though it sounds a little gross, it is needed information and I feel like there are people who need these words right now. 

"Every crack is also an opening."

When in the midst of great change, it is helpful to remember how a chick is born. From the view of the chick, it is a terrifying struggle. Confined and curled in a dark shell, half-formed, the chick eats all its food and stretches to the contours of its shell. It begins to feel hungry and cramped. Eventually the chick begins to starve and feels suffocated by the ever-shrinking space of its world.

Finally, its own growth begins to crack the shell, and the world as the chick knows it is coming to an end. Its sky is falling. As the chick wriggles through the cracks, it begins to eat its shell. In that moment - growing but fragile, starving and cramped, its world breaking - the chick must feel like it is dying. Yet once everything it has relied on falls away, the chick is born. It doesn't die, but falls into the world.

The lesson is profound. Transformation always involves the falling away of things we have relied on, and we are left with a feeling that the world as we know it is coming to an end, because it is.

Yet the chick offers us the wisdom that the way to be born while still alive is to eat our own shell. When faced with great change - in self, in relationship, in our sense of calling - we somehow must take in all that has enclosed us, nurtured us, so when the new life is upon us, the old is within us.

-- Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

-- Because Nice Matters.

Day of Delirium #336 - The Impulse to Love

From Mark Nepo's The Book of Awakening

"If somebody were to cut me into a thousand pieces, every piece of me would say that it loves...."

~ Chris Lubbe

The man who said this is a deeply spiritual person who is a native of South Africa. He like many others grew up under apartheid. He told me that he was taught by his ancestors not to stay bitter or vengeful, for hate eats up the heart, and with a damaged heart, life is not possible.

In a way, we are each confronted with the same dilemma that Chris faces: how to feel the pain of living without denying it and without letting that pain define us. Ultimately, no matter the burden we are given - apartheid, cancer, abuse, depression, addiction - once whittled to the bone, we are faced with a never-ending choice: to become the wound or to heal.

Terrible things are hard enough to experience the first time. Beyond their second and third and fourth experience as trauma, their impact can easily make us become terrible if we do not keep our want to love alive. Perhaps the most difficult challenge of being wounded is not turning our deepest loving nature over to the life and way of the wound.

This touching statement by this South African man affirms that the nature of the human spirit is irrepressible. Just as a vine or shrub - no matter how often it is cut back - will keep growing to the light, the human heart - no matter how often it is cut - can reassert its impulse to love.

Day of Delirium #335 - The Ring of Safety

"Who sees all beings in his own Self and his own Self in all beings, loses all fear."

~ The Isa Upanishad

I was sitting on a bench in the sun, waiting for Robert, when a yellow jacket landed about four feet to my left. I watched its striped anterior pulse and protract, the sun making its black rings blacker and its yellow rings almost orange.

It made me think of my mother and how if that yellow jacket were within yards of her, she would have rolled up the nearest magazine and with trepidation tried until she swat it. Her fear of being stung made her kill many a small thing. She couldn't tolerate the uncertainty that something living might hurt her, and in her deep fear of being hurt, she walled herself in, swatting everything away.

Almost forty years later, I realize that we all suffer the uncertainty of being hurt by life that surrounds us, and we all have a changing ring of safety beyond which we are likely to hurt other living things in the guise of self-defense.

I sat on the bench and the yellow jacket flitted closer. But having almost died from cancer, feeling blessed to be here at all, I let the little insect come much closer than I used to. With a softer, more truthful eye, I could see it had little interest in me, and I am ashamed to admit just how many times I have harmed others because, like my mother, I couldn't tolerate the unpredictable nature of their advance.

How often we imagine things are dangerous when they are only doing what comes naturally. The yellow jacket came closer still; when it was almost on my arm, there was time enough to gently shoo it on its way. It flirted with me for quite some time, coming close till I would shoo it on, buzzing at a distance, then coming close again.

This is so much like the dance we do with strangers and loved ones alike. How often we murder parts of ourselves by not letting things advance or come close. How often we let fear and the swat rule our emotional lives. How often we kill or chase away everything that moves.

I think of Francis of Assisi, who held so still the birds landed on his branchlike arms, and we wonder why we are so lonely when we won't let anything full of life come near. If we could only see the bee, or the bird, or our enemy as a brief living center like ourselves, we could let them go on their way without pulling us into opposition.

-- Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

Day of Delirium #334 - Forever Forks

Last weekend we held our annual Twilight trip to Seattle/Forks/LaPush.

Every year a wonderful member of our tribe comes up with shirts and trinkets to commemorate our trip. This year Mrs. P/Margaret was incredible with her creations. So incredible, that she created the items without the year, so that all her Twilight friends could enjoy the items too.

The tag line of Friends, Family, Forks is the exact description of our time together. I hope you might find something you would like for your Twilight collection.

There are different variations than what is in the photos. You will see the options when you click through to Mrs. P's Zazzle store in each link. If there are any other options you would like to see this creation on, please let me know and I will see what she can do.

FOREVER FORKS

T-shirt: http://www.zazzle.com/forever_forks_tee_shirt-235906053430236161?rf=238807224232353749

Tote: http://www.zazzle.com/forever_forks_tote_bag-149871871086254518?rf=238807224232353749

Keychain: http://www.zazzle.com/forever_forks_single_sided_square_acrylic_keychain-256055999654162835?rf=238807224232353749

Mug: http://www.zazzle.com/forever_forks_ringer_mug-168584666000863537?rf=238807224232353749

Magnet: http://www.zazzle.com/forever_forks_2_inch_square_magnet-147039933434539794?rf=238807224232353749


I own the shirt (but with 2016 on it to go with all the other shirts over the years), the mug, the key chain and the magnet. The quality is wonderful and I love knowing I have my tribe with me where ever I go in these wonderful items.


Thank you Margaret for your awesome work and for offering these amazing items.

Day of Delirium #333 - Art is love

Art is Love

For those that do not know, the fox is the totem animal representing my father.

After my father passed away in 2005, fox would appear whenever I was missing my father or when I needed a sign to get me through. Because of this I am always attracted to fox art and items. I don't buy them all but I definitely do find myself seeking them out.

While at Wizard World Philadelphia in June we went by one of our favorite artists,  Bianca Roman-Stumpff, for the third year in a row and as soon as I saw this piece I knew it had to be mine.

You see in addition to the Fox being the totem animal for my father, the rabbit is the totem animal for my God figure. This makes this piece extra special. When I saw it tears sprung to my eyes and I could feel the love and comfort this piece portrays. How could I not feel that my father is in good hands when I look at this art. Thank you Bianca for creating this beautiful piece of art.



Then just down the aisle, I found this piece from a new artist to us, Kit Steele.

Wow, it's like my father being lifted to the heavens from the fires of Earth. Just stunning. This piece brings me so much comfort. The simplicity of peace and love.



Both pieces are just brilliant and they both make me feel powerful memories of my father.

Art is Love

Day of Delirium #332 - Proud Parents

In May we were blessed with a pair of robins deciding to place their nest right outside our back door/main door in a live greens wreath we still had up. We didn't even see them building this nest, just one day when I walked to the door, I saw a bird fly out from near the door.

I asked hubby to try to take pictures every day but that was harder than expected. We were lucky that the birds seemed to trust we wouldn't do anything to their nest. They never came after us or did anything "aggressive". The worst was the squawking from what originally I thought was the mom but it was figured out that it was "not the momma" LOL

It was so much fun to watch the eggs and then the babies change and grow. I truly felt special being in charge of the babies well being. It was very hard when they flew the coop one day without warning. Here are the photos that my hubby took.

Then in June, I was mowing the lawn and suddenly something flew across the yard. I walked over to where there had been a bunny nest for about 3 months but no bunnies were ever seen... until now! In the grass was a fairly large baby bunny. I figured there had to be more... and there was... one more tiny baby bunny just a little bit away from this one in the grass. I knew I was done mowing in that area so I moved to the back.

When I apparently got too close again to the nest (not close at all), THREE more tiny baby bunnies came flying out of the hole. They were completely ungraceful but oh my goodness were they cute. The three headed to the neighbor's yard and with that Hubby came home and I brought him over to see them. He took some photos and then we decided to move them along so I could finish mowing. Off went the big baby to the neighbor's yard but for some reason the tiniest one went across the yard. Luckily he/she couldn't get under that fence to where the dogs are.

Hubby took lots of photos of this little one as I finished mowing... until I heard a horrible noise. Yes, it was a bunny scream BUT thankfully it was just a warning, as he/she hopped away into the neighbor's yard. So if you are keeping count, that is six baby bunnies.

I finished mowing and we packed it in for the night. We hoped that the babies would return but there was no way to know.

When we looked out the window about an hour later, there was momma bunny standing up looking for all her babies. It broke my heart but we just kept hoping it would all work out. The next day... the hole was filled with baby bunnies... in fact they didn't fit and the top one was sticking out a little. I love baby bunnies.

We have not seen the bunnies now for about a week. I just hope they are all happy and healthy. I am grateful they chose our yard to start out life and that we were able to keep them safe.

Oh yea here are the names I gave them...

Teenie, Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe and Bubba.

All photos are of Eenie except one.

Bubba - you can see the difference in size from the photo above.

We wondered if he was adopted :)

 Look how tiny!

Sometimes auto filters are just perfect.

We were so happy to be the proud adoptive parents of 2 robins and 6 bunnies this year.
I wonder what we will have next year.

Day of Delirium #331 - Free Comic Book Day 2016

So yes it is true, Dangrdafne went to a comic book store WITHOUT Brainwise for Free Comic Book Day!

And here is my small haul:

(store only allowed 5 books per person - and I really did want more than that)

I picked books that I would read and took my chances if we had doubles.

I also added two of my favorite female characters as Funkos since they were Buy 1 get 1 50% off.

I also happen to cosplay as both of these characters.

And this was my special extra, although not from a comic book store but Hot Topic.
You all know what is special about this Funko
#TwilightForever

It was fun watching all the kids trying to decide which 5 books to get.

It was also wonderful to see all the families coming in and each person reacting to different things in the store. Everyone seemed very happy.

I hope you had a great Free Comic Book Day. 

Feel free to post in the comments what you got on the day
and if you have a Cedric Diggory Funko in your collection.