Day of delirium #6 - YOU Matter

So the first article in my Going Bonkers magazine is titled "YOU Matter: Loving Yourself Enough to Make Positive Changes in Your Life" by Vanessa Smith, MA, CLC. It is actually a very appropriate article for my life right now as I have been wanting to make some changes but have been apprehensive about it.

First the article discusses how we all know how to make a difference to others. It tells the starfish story (no, not a chocolate starfish), "... a young man on the beach is picking up one starfish at a time and throwing it back into the ocean. An older man comes along and asks what he is doing. The young man replies that the starfish would die if he left them there. The older man jokes that there is no way he will get to all the starfish and make a difference. The young man picks up a starfish and as he is throwing it back into the water, says 'I made a difference to that one.'" Wow, I have this down to a science. I know how make a difference to others. I know how to offer my advice and to listen to others but do I think myself worthy of the same treatment? I know my answer should be yes but my actions easily tell me it is no. One I know it is easier to give advice than to accept it from myself. Two I obviously prefer to see others succeed at something difficult like change. Three I somehow place the worthiness of others above my own and/or use that to make myself feel worthy. Well obviously I need to change that, I am worthy, you are worthy, we are all worthy of being the best we can be and making the changes we need to do that. Let's strive to make a difference to ourselves.

This is what the article next discusses: Changing one's life can feel scary sometimes. It is moving into the unknown from the known, even if that known is not what is best for you and you are aware of it. I know this is definitely a place where I stumble. I like routine and comfort. I like my variables all known in my life. Change... well that throws a wrench into all of that. What I always fail to recall is that obviously I have had changes in my life and I have always made it through them (most times for the better), whether instituted by me (a new job) or forced upon me by life (my father's death). So again what stops me. Myself, that is what. How can I help myself move beyond this then?

The article has some options to try:

1) Find out "What else is true?" meaning we can say to ourselves "whenever I try to lose weight I can't seem to keep it off." Does hearing this inspire you right now reading this? No? I didn't think so. So why do we say it to ourselves - we would never say it to our friend if they were trying to lose weight, would we? Focus on what else is true about yourself losing weight - you feel good exercising or you feel healthier eating a salad for lunch. Find what is positive about losing weight and focus on that no matter how small it may seem and then act on it. The truth is that if we don't try, we don't do anything at all.

2) "Shift your perception" meaning don't accept "It is what it is." Although I admit that is one of my favorite sayings. It doesn't get you anywhere, though, except right where you are and isn't that what we are trying to get away from? If need be, physically move your body from the place of stagnation and see what looks different from somewhere else. For me, I get stagnated at my desk at work, so if I need inspiration I walk back to our label room and see what is new in there. Many times I return to my desk and I am ready to tackle my next task.

3) "The three magic phrases" meaning a mantra that we should all say every day as many times a day as necessary: "I love myself. I forgive myself. I set myself free." Go back and read that quote again please. Just typing that there makes me feel better. I know I have always been told that forgiveness can set yourself free what I never realized was that forgiving MYSELF is included in that. I hold grudges, I hold onto my past, I don't like to forget past hurts but what does that get me but more of the same. Tonight I will forgive one past hurt in my life and move on from it. Years ago I did this to get past a betrayal by a close friend and you know what? It worked - right now I couldn't tell you what the betrayal was and I have no anger when I think about that person now. Somewhere along the way, though, I forgot this wonderful piece of advice so I will reintroduce it tonight and add in forgiving myself for forgetting this advice ;)

4) "Use your automatic tools" meaning I am sure we all have tricks we use to calm ourselves once out of a situation. I employ the deep breathing and happy place techniques but I know that in the heat of something, I seem to forget them. What I need to learn is to make these techniques more automatic. I need to practice them when not in the heat of the moment. To learn to employ them just because and then the next time I am in a situation where I need the technique it will be there.

5) "I'll see it when I believe it" meaning a little trickery there - until you believe something you won't be able to see it. If you don't believe you will lose the weight you won't see the weight come off. If you don't believe you will get a new job you won't see a new job. Believe in yourself, believe in the changes, believe in whatever it is that will allow you to set yourself free and be all that you can be. It sounds cliche but it is true - we are not here to suffer. This is not to say that just believing will make it true because if that was the case, we would all be with Rob right now. But believing you can do things to make that happen and then acting on those beliefs, it becomes possible.

In closing, would you treat any of your friends the way you treat yourself? If your answer is no and you are horrified to think about treating your friends the way you treat yourself, then why are you treating yourself that way? Be the kind of friend you are with others to yourself and imagine all the possibilities.

I am not sure I conveyed everything I wanted to or stated it very well but it is a start and that is more than I had an hour ago :) Change starts when you apply yourself and that is what I am trying to do here. Thanks for reading.