Day of Delirium #72 - More contest jokes and poems

I want to share with you the rest of the jokes and poems from my contest:


By far the most popular "clean" joke - received from numerous people:

Q: How do you get a hanky to dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Robzsinger jokes:

knock, knock
who's there?
boo
boo who?
well, you don't have to cry about it.

knock, knock
who's there?
police
police who?
po-lice open up, it's freezing out here!

++++++++++++++++++++++


Musing Bella poem:

Dangrdafne makes me smile;
Dangrdafne has great style.
She does not drink or swear,
But she sure does think and care,
And she's not a pedophile.*

*to my knowledge. ;)
 
 
Musing Bella jokes:

A man got pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper approached the car and asked the man why he hadn't stopped immediately when he saw that he was being pulled over: "I followed you for quite awhile with my lights and siren going, and you sped up!" "Well," said the man, "my wife left me for a state trooper and I was afraid you were trying to give her back."


What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho (not-chyo) cheese.

++++++++++++++++++++++


RottyMama poem:

Dangrdafne, she's so sweet
And she watches what she eats
Can't just give her anything
'Cause if you do, just make sure
it has no Glu!


++++++++++++++++++++++


Twilight Cupcake poem:

gentle soul
spreading calm
my good friend
Dangrdafne


Twilight Cupcake joke:

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks

++++++++++++++++++++++


Chloe Cougar  joke:

Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. A newspaper.

++++++++++++++++++++++



TwiKiwi50 poem:

D angrdafne is one of my best bloggy-friends
A lways a frequent post commenter
N ever a bad word to say
G reatest supporter a girl could ask for
R eady to meet me somewhere in the US very soon!
D angrdafne, I know you'll be a friend for life
A nd it seems I don't have a rhyming bone in my body
F ortunately I know that doesn't matter
N ice - such a small word, but sums her up perfectly
E very girl needs a friend like Dangrafne

++++++++++++++++++++++


Mrs. P poem (wow):

Edward's Night

The night was depicted,
The night was described,
But the night had not been seen
By the eyes of this bride.

She asked for descriptions,
She asked for advice,
But all they could say
Was the night was just "nice".

She walked around blinded,
She walked around scared,
She walked around aided
By a man with Bronze hair.

She turned to her aide,
And implored him once more,
And asked of dear Edward
"Can you help me...I'm poor."

He turned to his patient,
And he made a sad face,
For Dangrdafne was richer
Than a Queen or an Ace.

"You have all the money
A rich person could flaunt.
How on earth can you say
That your wealth is in want?"

Dangrdafne felt flush,
as she struggled to say,
"I cannot see night.
I cannot see day."

"I need you to tell me
Why the night is your friend.
I need you to tell me.
My fiance won't bend."

"He says it's just "nice",
and I can't imagine why
A man of such knowledge
Can be so cynical and dry."

"You tell me its secret.
You tell me its charm.
I need to know why
It loves to do harm."

"Do harm?" Edward asked,
as he heard her soft pleas,
And wondered if she
could understand his dark needs.

"The night is a mistress,
The night wears her jewels,
The night has me living
By her very strict rules."

"She sparkles when clear
And she glows when she's sad,
She rains on my head
and she snows when she's mad."

Dangrdafne stood silent,
As she heard him depict,
A lady of eloquence,
Spite and quick wit.

Edward continued,
As his breath became quick.
She could feel him approach her
And the air became thick

He continued to say,
That his world was the night,
And if she could see him
she would know he was right.

"See you?" she asked,
Both puzzled and charmed.
He was close to her neck
And she feared she'd be harmed.

"Yes, see me," he breathed,
As he licked his red lips,
And close to her ear
His teeth gave a quick nip.

"My eyes tell a tale
of bloodlust and speed.
My eyes tell you why
The night is my need."

"Do you want to learn more?"
He asked as he loomed.
Dangrdafne froze still.
The night was her doom.

"I'm scared," she implored,
For her fears were now founded.
She felt like prey
That was about to be hounded.

"The night is our friend
If you choose to ride free.
Just give me permission,
And I can help you to see."

Dangrdafne felt tempted,
As she felt his warm breath,
And soon she was melting
In the arms of sweet death.

"Yes," she whispered,
As Edward leaned in,
And took a small bite
And punctured her skin.

She felt her blood boil.
She felt her nerves sting.
She felt her world change
As her soul gained its wings.

The dark of her mind,
Slowly began to see light.
The night has a brilliance.
It was dim yet too bright.

She squinted and moaned,
As she rubbed her new eyes,
And looked at the stars
That gave shine to the skies.

She turned to her Edward,
With blood on his teeth,
And saw his red eyes
And the lust underneath.

"You now see the night.
You now see my eyes.
Do you still intend
To be a cynic's new bride?"

Dangrdafne walked swiftly
With a speed just acquired
And arrived at his side
Though her throat was on fire.

"I'm married to you
The one who could see
That the night is not scary
When you are with me."

Together they ran,
Through the forest with flight,
And never again
Did she miss the bright night.

The End!

++++++++++++++++++++++


I am in awe of you ladies. So funny, so moving and so talented.
Thank you for playing along and here's to the next contest!!

Day of Delirium #71 - Twihearted

Words = power

Stephenie Meyer wrote some words in some books and created an empire.

Twitarded wrote some words on a blog and created Twitardia.

My After Car and Snarkier Than You wrote some words in a post and created Twihearted.

All of you commented, posted, tweeted and emailed words through the Internet and created a movement.

Words = power

Twihearted is asking you to donate whatever you can to the Heart Association to help fight heart disease. To save a life: maybe your life or the life of someone you love or maybe even the life of someone in Twitardia.

http://honor.americanheart.org/goto/twihearted

What no one could know was what Twihearted would do for the readers.

In one case, Twilighter for Fitness, it was the resurrection of a blog: a motivational tool, a voice to be heard and a friend to be known coming back into the blogging world. Twilighter for Fitness is one of my favorite places to visit. She is my motivation and the voice I hear when I am making decisions about what I am going to eat and when I am going to work out. She went through a tough period recently, as we all do, but she persevered and through Twihearted has come out on the other side re-invigorated and ready to help us with our fitness and diet goals. Let's support our friend and please go visit, read and follow. You will not be sorry.

If anyone else out there has a fitness or diet blog that they host, please let us know in the comments so we can follow and learn from you too. Let us all be a motivation for each other. Let us all support each other and work towards helping our hearts physically and emotionally.

There is little we can do alone. We shouldn't have to fight the fight alone and with Twitardia, we don't have to. I love each and every one of you and I thank you for all your support, donations, comments, posts, tweets, emails and most of all your friendships.

We are Twitarded and we are Twihearted!

Day of Delirium #70 - And the winners are...

Yes we have winners!!

I had so much fun reading all your clean jokes and clean poems using my name, Dangrdafne.

I will be posting the jokes and/or poems of the winners but I will also be posting all the jokes and poems that were submitted because 1) you are some funny women and 2) the poems really blew me away - such talent.

Ok here we go:

Here is the listings for all who entered for each item:

And here are the winners - which if you can read my writing in this photo I should give you another prize LOL

And my impartial advisor for choosing the names was none other than Milo who validated all the selections from the New Moon Burger King cup - we're cool like that.

Item 1 - New Moon Wallet = Jelena

Item 2 - Edward poster = Married to my Jacob

Item 3 - Edward puzzle = Smitten

Item 4 - New Moon Bandages = Jaymes805

Item 5 - Eclipse Bandages Jacob = Jaymes805

Item 6 - Eclipse Bandages Edward = Miss Tejota

Item 7 - Eclipse Calendar = Kitty Elvis

Item 8 - Twilight Hallmark Ornament = TwitardedMom

WOO HOO!!!

Jelena's Joke:

One day, a pig farmer is visited by a representative from an association for animal rights.
"What do you feed your pigs?" the representative asks him.
"Just regular pig concentrate." He shrugs.
"What?" The representative screams at him. "Are you insane? Don't you know how cruel that is? It's unhealthy and it tastes vile! Change their diet immediately or I will fine you!"
So, the poor farmer changes what he feeds the pig.
The following week he is visited by a representative for human rights.
"What do you feed your pigs?" the representative asks him.
"I boil eggs for them, cook chicken, beef and I give them plenty of fruits and salads."
"What?" The representative screams at him. "Are you insane? There are people starving all over the globe and you feed your pigs like they were staying at a 5 star hotel? Change their diet immediately or I will fine you!"
Again, the farmer obliges.
The following week he is visited by a representative for environmental protection agency.
"What do you feed your pigs?" the representative asks him.
The farmer answers: "I give each one ten bucks and it buys whatever it wants." 

Jelena's Poem:

I first heard of her travels
Of her determination
To follow her obsession

She was just a name
Just another smiling face
Now she's someone I hope to embrace

Dangrdafne is her name
And I love her
Even when I'm not drinking liqueur 

Married to my Jacob - won with just her comment entry :)

Smitten - won with  just her comment entry :)

Jaymes805's joke:

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

A: Elephino (get it? like "Hell if I know") hehe.

Miss Tejota - won with just her comment entry :)

Kitty Elvis - won with just her comment entry :)

TwitardedMom's joke:

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

Congratulations to all the winners. 

Please email me your mailing address so I can send you your prize!!

Day of Delirium #69 - Contest Time

CONTEST TIME!!!! 

First check out the prizes you could win!!

Contest rules are below the pretty pictures!!

1 - New Moon Cullen Crest Wallet

2 - New Moon Edward Poster

3 - New Moon Edward Puzzle

4 - New Moon Bandages

 5 - Eclipse Bandages

6 - Edward Eclipse Bandages

7 - 2011 Eclipse Calendar

8 - Hallmark Twilight Ornament

This contest is open to readers worldwide!

Your first entry into the contest is to list in the comments which items (1-8) 

you want to be entered in to win. 

Simple and easy!

Example: I want to win 1,4,5,7. 

I will then put your name in the hats for those items.

To gain another entry, write a poem using my name Dangrdafne in it.

I prefer it to be clean but I won't deny it if it isn't. I just may not be able to post it :)

I will then put your name in again in the same hats as the first entry.

To gain another entry, tell me your funniest clean joke.

This one I really do prefer to be clean please :)

I will then put your name in again in the same hats as the first entry.

Please send your poems and jokes to my email dangrdafne at gmail . com

Contest is open until Tuesday February 1, 2011.

Day of Delirium #68 - Watch this Space!

A contest is coming!!

There will be some pretty cool prizes!!

I hope you will all come and play!

Tell your friends and get ready!!

+++++++++


While you are waiting, please check out my soul sister's writing on FanFiction.net!
SwedenSara is a great writer with an amazing view point.

She has five one shots that range from Locker Room Girl a story of Bella and Leah,
to Want a Burger Kid? a take on Bree's life before Riley,
to Truced a hook up of Edward and Jacob (not as scary as it might sound to some LOL),
to her Stalkerella story Bella Swan, Stalker,
to Vanishing an incredibly moving and horrifying look at aneroxia through Alice's eyes (amazing!).

She is also a member of The Smut Sisters who are writing Smutiversity.

Her work in progress, The Secret Changes within Bella Swan, is also a great read. The story is a more realistic "Happily Ever After" for a human Edward and Bella.
If you are having any issues in your marriage, I invite you to check this out.
She has written what is in my head and has helped me tremendously in dealing with some of my issues in my life.
Perhaps she can help you too and even if not, it is still an excellent read. 
Please check out her stories and make sure to leave a review :)
Thank you!