I want to share with you the rest of the jokes and poems from my contest:
By far the most popular "clean" joke - received from numerous people:
Q: How do you get a hanky to dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.
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Robzsinger jokes:
knock, knock
who's there?
boo
boo who?
well, you don't have to cry about it.
knock, knock
who's there?
police
police who?
po-lice open up, it's freezing out here!
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Musing Bella poem:
Dangrdafne makes me smile;
Dangrdafne has great style.
She does not drink or swear,
But she sure does think and care,
And she's not a pedophile.*
*to my knowledge. ;)
Musing Bella jokes:
A man got pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper approached the car and asked the man why he hadn't stopped immediately when he saw that he was being pulled over: "I followed you for quite awhile with my lights and siren going, and you sped up!" "Well," said the man, "my wife left me for a state trooper and I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho (not-chyo) cheese.
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RottyMama poem:
Dangrdafne, she's so sweet
And she watches what she eats
Can't just give her anything
'Cause if you do, just make sure
it has no Glu!
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Twilight Cupcake poem:
gentle soul
spreading calm
my good friend
Dangrdafne
Twilight Cupcake joke:
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks
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Chloe Cougar joke:
Q. What's black and white and red all over?
A. A newspaper.
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TwiKiwi50 poem:
D angrdafne is one of my best bloggy-friends
A lways a frequent post commenter
N ever a bad word to say
G reatest supporter a girl could ask for
R eady to meet me somewhere in the US very soon!
D angrdafne, I know you'll be a friend for life
A nd it seems I don't have a rhyming bone in my body
F ortunately I know that doesn't matter
N ice - such a small word, but sums her up perfectly
E very girl needs a friend like Dangrafne
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Mrs. P poem (wow):
Edward's Night
The night was depicted,
The night was described,
But the night had not been seen
By the eyes of this bride.
She asked for descriptions,
She asked for advice,
But all they could say
Was the night was just "nice".
She walked around blinded,
She walked around scared,
She walked around aided
By a man with Bronze hair.
She turned to her aide,
And implored him once more,
And asked of dear Edward
"Can you help me...I'm poor."
He turned to his patient,
And he made a sad face,
For Dangrdafne was richer
Than a Queen or an Ace.
"You have all the money
A rich person could flaunt.
How on earth can you say
That your wealth is in want?"
Dangrdafne felt flush,
as she struggled to say,
"I cannot see night.
I cannot see day."
"I need you to tell me
Why the night is your friend.
I need you to tell me.
My fiance won't bend."
"He says it's just "nice",
and I can't imagine why
A man of such knowledge
Can be so cynical and dry."
"You tell me its secret.
You tell me its charm.
I need to know why
It loves to do harm."
"Do harm?" Edward asked,
as he heard her soft pleas,
And wondered if she
could understand his dark needs.
"The night is a mistress,
The night wears her jewels,
The night has me living
By her very strict rules."
"She sparkles when clear
And she glows when she's sad,
She rains on my head
and she snows when she's mad."
Dangrdafne stood silent,
As she heard him depict,
A lady of eloquence,
Spite and quick wit.
Edward continued,
As his breath became quick.
She could feel him approach her
And the air became thick
He continued to say,
That his world was the night,
And if she could see him
she would know he was right.
"See you?" she asked,
Both puzzled and charmed.
He was close to her neck
And she feared she'd be harmed.
"Yes, see me," he breathed,
As he licked his red lips,
And close to her ear
His teeth gave a quick nip.
"My eyes tell a tale
of bloodlust and speed.
My eyes tell you why
The night is my need."
"Do you want to learn more?"
He asked as he loomed.
Dangrdafne froze still.
The night was her doom.
"I'm scared," she implored,
For her fears were now founded.
She felt like prey
That was about to be hounded.
"The night is our friend
If you choose to ride free.
Just give me permission,
And I can help you to see."
Dangrdafne felt tempted,
As she felt his warm breath,
And soon she was melting
In the arms of sweet death.
"Yes," she whispered,
As Edward leaned in,
And took a small bite
And punctured her skin.
She felt her blood boil.
She felt her nerves sting.
She felt her world change
As her soul gained its wings.
The dark of her mind,
Slowly began to see light.
The night has a brilliance.
It was dim yet too bright.
She squinted and moaned,
As she rubbed her new eyes,
And looked at the stars
That gave shine to the skies.
She turned to her Edward,
With blood on his teeth,
And saw his red eyes
And the lust underneath.
"You now see the night.
You now see my eyes.
Do you still intend
To be a cynic's new bride?"
Dangrdafne walked swiftly
With a speed just acquired
And arrived at his side
Though her throat was on fire.
"I'm married to you
The one who could see
That the night is not scary
When you are with me."
Together they ran,
Through the forest with flight,
And never again
Did she miss the bright night.
The End!
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I am in awe of you ladies. So funny, so moving and so talented.
Thank you for playing along and here's to the next contest!!
